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Rugby Simplified – Part 1 (The Basics)

September 13, 2011

Queue Drum Roll, Fanfare and the Rotten Tomatoes. From the highly plagiarised author who gave you What to Shout at Rugger Matches comes.. a three part series of Rugby Simplified.

It has been brought to my attention that there are many people out there trying to understand the great game of Rugby, and get into the midst of all the Rugby World Cup Madness. Therefore I feel it is my duty to try and simply the game, especially to those of you of the fairer sex, who see the game as a bunch of boys rolling around in the dirt.

Spirit of the Game :

So this is as simple as it gets..

Basics :

  • The ball is not round. It’s an oval.
  • Unlike Football, you can pick up the ball and run besides kicking it. (That is actually how it all started, although Wikipedia disagrees)
  • 15 big boys in a team. Some comparatively smaller.. but lets get into that in the next post.
  • Each game lasts 80 mins, with a break in the middle to enjoy a cup of Tea or grab another Beer.

Objective of the Game :

Score as manyΒ  points as possible. The team with the most points at the end of 80 mins wins. To do this, you usually have take the ball from your side of the ground, to your opponents side. The closer the ball is to the opponents goal line, easier the scoring opportunities.

The Cardinal Rule :

There are many rules in the game. Right now all you need to remember is that you can’t throw/pass the ball forward. So if you want to move the ball forward you either have to take it and run, or kick it forward.

How do you Score?

  • Try – 5 Points


This is when you take the ball, run like mad, cross the opposition’s goal line (which is at the opposite end of the ground) and keep the ball on the ground. Unfortunately there are 15 angry men on the other side, who aren’t going to make it easy for you. Which is why there is a lot of ‘trying’ involved.

  • Conversion – 2 Points


Think of this as a Bonus. If you make a try, then you are given the chance to kick the ball through the posts. If it goes through your given 2 extra points, and your Try will now be called a Goal. Ie. Goal = Try + Conversion. Problem is you can’t pick where to kick from. It will depend on which point you ground the ball for a try. Therefore it makes sense to ground the ball, closer to those posts. Tell that to the angry men of the opposition.

  • Penalty – 3 Points

Penalty Kick

When the opposition break the rules, which doesn’t include stepping on your toes, you get the opportunity to kick the ball through the posts. If it goes through you get points. Sadly no one can kick the ball in, from anywhere in the field. Therefore you got to pray like hell they make a big mistake closer to those posts!

  • Drop Goal – 3 Points

Drop Kick at Goal

This happens when your sick of ‘trying’ and your close enough to kick the ball at the posts, and the opposition doesn’t look like their gonna make a mistake any time soon. If you make the kick and it goes through the post.. Points! This is kinda like taking matters into your own hands, except with the foot.

Images courtesy of :

Stay tuned for the second post of the series, where we’ll look at the full circle of player positions and their kinky/funny names like Hooker, Fly-half. πŸ˜‰

Ladies, if all of this still flew over your head. Don’t worry your pretty heads about it, like my friend said think of Rugby as Gods gift to women. Big boys in Tiny shorts. . Who can argue with that? Although there might be a few, who find that the shorts aren’t tiny enough. πŸ˜‰

11 Comments leave one →
  1. Thush permalink
    September 13, 2011 2:02 pm

    I understood!
    The shorts are a bonus.
    Wait make the shorts the main attraction, and understanding the game the bonus πŸ˜€

  2. September 13, 2011 3:14 pm

    You liked your own post? tsk tsk.. thats liking your own FB posts.. chee chee πŸ˜†

    On the other hand, it IS quite awesome πŸ˜€ Do keep it up, this is going to save me so much trouble. I can direct relevant persons here, and watch a game in peace xD

    • September 13, 2011 4:39 pm

      Forgive me dude. I wasn’t around when this ‘WordPress Like’ feature was introduced. So don’t mind me poking about. :p

  3. September 13, 2011 4:28 pm

    Ah, NOW I GET IT! πŸ˜€ Is it true that the rugby rulebook is so large that nobody really knows what constitutes a foul etc.? :S

    • September 13, 2011 5:01 pm

      Ha ha… True I doubt that the 200 pages don’t cover poking a players eye, or pulling his pants down, just see whether he’s wearing Jockeys..

      But there are rules against Punching, Stamping, High Tackles and other Foul activities. πŸ™‚

  4. September 13, 2011 5:11 pm

    woot ! πŸ˜€ Thank u !! This is a really sexy game and I am usually too distracted to really understand it. So glad u wrote this. keep it up !

    • September 13, 2011 7:30 pm

      Your most welcome. My bit of community service to the ladies.. Help them understand the game more, and if they have men in their lives.. a chance to get closer to them, through the game, as opposed to being alienated during this month of the Rugby World Cup πŸ˜€

  5. September 13, 2011 10:01 pm

    Actually, I watch the matches to see these boys roll around in the dirt. I find that arousing. O_o

  6. April 18, 2012 3:24 pm

    the following is for educational purposes of course:


  1. Rugby Simplified Part 2 « Chaar~Max 2.0

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