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What to Shout at Rugger Matches

September 22, 2006

Ok it’s the Bradby Weekend, and many of you will be heading down for the Game, so I believe this might come in handy. Even if you don’t please bookmark the page, so it’ll be around for the next Rugger season (providing that you don’t reformat your machine).

Objective :
Make the geek in you, sound like the “Ultimate source of Rugby Knowledge” and make you the cool dude. (I cannot guarantee whether it’ll get you chicks. Your looks will have a big say in that.. await a post on how to improve your looks)

Assumptions :
In order to follow the command’s you’ll need a prior understanding of the game. For eg :

a) Ability to tell your team from the other.
b) Ability to tell the Referee (referred to as Ref in the rest of post) apart from the players .
c) Tell the linesman (the dude in shorts on either side, with a flag in hand, no they are not cheerleaders of either side) apart from the security personal on the side lines, and maybe the Sirasa TV crew.
d) Relative understanding of positions. (No not the Kamasutra and When I say hooker, I don’t mean Russian.)

Finally.. Things to Shout Out :

1. “Support”, “Forwards”, “Over It”

This is when your boy gets tackled and a bunch of players are trampling his genitalia. A common incident that happens in regular intervals. You wouldn’t look out of sorts by shouting this.

2. “Off Side”

The difference between off-side and on-side is a fine line that even the Ref, has trouble defining. Therefore feel free to shout out, at usual junctures of the game. (Obviously not during a stoppage of play though. Eg – Half Time)

3. “Holding On Sir”, “Not releasing”

Unlike no 1., please feel free to shout this out, when the opponent’s boy gets tackled (with the ball of course, would be rather embarrassing if he appears not to have the ball with him). Please make sure that you give ample time for your boys to go about trampling the Opponent.

4. “Work it down”, “Pass it down”

This never happens, because the coach and the players beg to differ, but the “ultimately cool” thing to shout. Make sure you shout it out when the ball is given to those skinny legged players that stand in what would looks like a line across the field. Hence the word “line”.

5. “Get-em”, “Bring him down”, “Deepan Okata

When an opponent starts to run with the ball. This doesn’t mean that they are going to wait till you shout the above to tackle the chap. But after hearing your encouragement your team might decide to treat him in a “friendly manner” while tackling him.

6. “Shove Royal” – assuming your an RC supporter.

This is when a bunch of the fat buggers (Fat Doesn’t mean they look less sexy, it’s actually more – for the women folk out there) from your team get together and seem to run into a bunch of your opponents. The players must be on their feet, and must continue to curse each other while the Ref isn’t looking. The moment they drop to the ground, find it applicable to shout something like “Out it”.

7. “Send Him Out”

When a Ref pulls up a player for a friendly chit chat and discuss the day’s proceedings, maybe ask the bloke whether he has any cute sister’s, shout the above at the top of your voice. Oh BTW, make sure the player in concern is not wearing the Jersey of the Team you happen to support. If the Ref hears you clearly, he will take the opportunity to flash something yellow (I meant a card.. lol), and send that chappie for a well deserved break.

8. “Referee Hora
When the Ref doesn’t hear you in no 7, or the situation in no 7 is happening to one from your team, or if your side is losing shout it out. Specially if a Sirasa TV Camera Crew is nearby. If frustrations run wild, and you find throwable objects nearby don’t be shy to aim at the linesman. The cardinal rule is not to get caught. As soon as the crime was committed, look at the people around you to avoid suspicion. More information can be gathered by speaking to your friends at Thurstan and Isipathana.

9. “Good Touch”

When a boy on your side, is about to make an attempt to kick the ball away, you can shout this out in encouragement so he’d stop eyeing the cute chick in the grand stand and remember to kick the ball out, even though it doesn’t seem to travel that far, make sure you applaud and try to figure out who the bloke was eyeing. (That might be your GF with her Rich Parents, while your stuck in the Concrete Tiers)

10. “Ball Out”

This is when a scrum, that is when the heavier dude’s of the teams face each other and appear to kneel and pray for the ball to come out their way, technically speaking the Ref, doesn’t like them resting their knees. As soon as you see the ball bubbling out on the opponent’s side, shout this out. Not that anybody on the field will hear you, and turn this into an opportunity. It will simply appear to the people around you, that your on “top” of the game.

BONUS : “Brian Homa

If the Rugger match has been rated as popular as the “Sirasa Super Star” programme, you might find the likes of Mr. Brian Thomas giving an introduction prior to the start of the match. Feel free to shout this out, with an opportunity to be selected for the next “Sirasa Super Star” star search. It would be ideal if you could get a friend to shout out “Tell us something we don’t know” in unison.

Disclaimer :

Please note that I will not be held responsible for any negative feedback you receive after following the above. If in case you get into trouble, I’m pretty sure that you have missed atleast one step. In doubt please shout out what the others’ shout. Find out what team they support prior to this.

I’d also encourage you to count the no of opposition supporters around you, prior to shouting out the above mentioned. A life insurance policy is also a wise option unless you are a hefty bugger that can take a few blows or a skinny bugger that can squeeze through a tight situation. Note – Don’t count on your friends to bail you out. Specially the drunk one’s.

If any good comes about (I sound very optimistic. Don’t I?) after following my steps please recommend my blog to your friends, who are dying to be as “cool” as you are. I will soon be starting up an Approved Charity where you could donate your life savings towards a movement that would encourage Geeks to be the New Cool Dude’s in town.

Contributors are encouraged to add their own things to shout, but would emphasize that I will not be responsible for any negative outcome. If it is positive, I already thought about that, but had to limit my list to 10. 🙂
Enjoy!
* Pics have been added to illustrate for the pure geek in you.
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16 Comments leave one →
  1. Anonymous permalink
    September 22, 2006 10:44 am

    Ado machan brian is not a homa! That bugger was at galadari karaoke long long time ago with a bird on his lap having a good time!

  2. Anonymous permalink
    September 22, 2006 3:56 pm

    enjoy the Bradby weekend.. someone told me they were going to Kandy for the Mardi Gras when he actually meant he was going to the Bradby 🙂 wateva.. i was never a fan of rguby the players are too fat and beefy with no necks..which probably doesn’t apply to the schoolboys in SL but more to the international rugby players.. eww..

  3. ~CC~ permalink
    September 22, 2006 6:58 pm

    ela post :). ne way Roiya paradai, but the trip should be fun.

  4. SpectralCentroid permalink
    September 22, 2006 7:43 pm

    Ha ha, super. “Holding on. Holding Ooooooon” is a favorite of yours truly.

    This reminds me a story of a Royalist in the middle of a bunch of Thomians. The bugger shouted “good touch, good touch”, and a apparently a thomian turned around, winked and said “aiyo can do better”.

    Seems like I’m gonna have to miss the Kandy leg for a send year in a row.

    Hey, Sophist what happened to the whole commentary on TV thing?

  5. September 22, 2006 11:54 pm

    excellent stuff…Brian Thomas…homa and incomprehensible…

  6. Chaar~Max permalink
    September 23, 2006 12:57 am

    Duely noted and altered (as you can see.. if you can’t.. Ctrl + Refresh) Sophist. We cant have the fairer sex think we be not sexy eh?

    I too found my self in the 2nd Half of the Thora match among the Thomians. Hope that wasn’t me? I rem those poor malli’s kept swearing at their team, that kicking the ball out wont gain you points.

    Anyways, I’m off to Kandy. Will I Bump into you Sophist?

  7. Sophist permalink
    September 23, 2006 3:52 am

    Unfortunately not boys. Spectral and Chaar you will have to get blind drunk without moi for company.

    The union asked me to commentate, and then Singer had wanted Royalist representation because they felt Ajit was biased to Trinity. So Maiya was drafted in. The Union also don’t have the balls to tell Willie IdonthaveafuckingclueaboutBradby Hetaraka to piss off, and Chandrashan the no.1 irritant in rugby is there as well. I wasn’t about to be the 5th bugger in the box, so I politely declined.

    If they don’t want to give the people a good panel there’s clearly nothing to be done.

    Have a drink for me.

  8. technobatta permalink
    September 23, 2006 8:04 am

    good post. have good time man. expecting a nice review from u by early Sunday (hangover permitting) for the sake of ppl like us who cant be there.

  9. Dilsiri permalink
    September 23, 2006 5:47 pm

    : )

  10. Scribbler permalink
    February 28, 2009 5:04 am

    Remember reading this ages ago. Found it again, still a total crack-up!

    • February 28, 2009 7:48 pm

      Ha ha.. why thank you scribbler.. didn’t think it’ll be this much of a hit at that time. 🙂

  11. November 24, 2009 12:10 pm

    Various of folks talk about this subject but you said some true words.

  12. April 16, 2012 1:56 pm

    Ha ha great post.

Trackbacks

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